Who's Asking For All These 3D Movies?

 

toy-story

Don’t get me wrong: I’m giddy as a schoolboy that Toy Story and Toy Story 2 are being re-released in theaters.  And I’m reluctant to criticize Pixar who, with the possible exception of Apple or Google, has the most impressive collection of pure genius in the world.  But this is damn dispiriting:

The Mouse House is giving Pixar’s “Toy Story” franchise the 3-D treatment.

As part of an aggressive move by the studio to turn more of its toons into 3-D releases, company will convert “Toy Story” into the format and re-release the pic in theaters on Oct. 2, 2009. Its sequel will get the same makeover and bow Feb. 12, 2010.

A confession: I loathe 3D movies.  This is in part because I have appallingly bad eyesight (“Wow,” said the optometrist at my last checkup, “You’re farsighted and you have an astigmatism!”  Tell me something I don’t know, lady) and so the visuals seldom land with the intended aplomb and I usually have a headache by midway through the film.  But even from an artistic point of view I think it’s seldom warranted.  Sure, a film like Coraline, in which hardly thirty seconds went by without something flitting prettily across the screen, made justifiable use of the technology, but few films are (or should be, really) filled with those sorts of frenetic visuals.  And the fact remains that the meat of most movies – the dialogue, the exposition, the character development – takes place in scenes that have no business being in 3D.

This wouldn’t be cause for so much concern if the 3D craze remained confined to children’s movies – kids are more easily wowed by the spectacle and it’s not like you can’t just see the thing in 2D anyway.  (Although in New York this can be surprisingly difficult.)  But the last few years have given us films like Beowulf, The Final Destination, Journey to the Center of the Earth, and Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert, all of which were live-action (except for Beowulf, which was performance captured, which is a whole other point of contention).  The other common denominator between these films?  They all sucked.  But that may not matter enough to staunch the tide.

And if I haven’t made the case enough against 3D technology, this should strike fear into the heart of every reasonable human being:

The Force is about to be unleashed in three dimensions.

George Lucas’ camp recently confirmed his plan to recast all six episodes of Star Wars — the original trilogy and the prequels — in an all-new, eye-popping 3-D light.